Happy Birthday! 30 Before 30 Update

Two years ago, I made myself a list of 30 things I wanted to do before I turn 30. In 2015, I crossed a lot off my list like road tripping across the United States and visiting national parks. In 2016, I've only crossed off a few more things. AH! I only have 3 years left!

New: I have highlighted things I hope to complete this year! I have also changed #17 from "Ride an elephant" to "Go on safari in Africa" because I learned that (many times) the elephant's spirit must be broken in order for them to give rides to strangers all day. How could I be sure the elephant I rode was not treated like this? Do I want to support that kind of industry?

Nah.

30 Before 30

1. Grow a garden of fruits or vegetables and eat them
2. Own a dog
3. Go to a music festival
4. Learn to drive stick
5. Own a sari and know how to wear it
6. Go on a spontaneous trip  - Some would say I did this, but I more meant like show up at an airport or train station and pick a place.
7. Skydive
8. Visit Zion National Park
9. Take a road trip across the United States
10. Ride a train overnight
11. Take a cooking class
12. Get professional, classy nudes done
13. Visit Thailand
14. Win a chance contest
15. Stay in a 5-star hotel
16. See the Grand Canyon
17. Go on safari in Africa
18. Go to Patagonia
19. Visit Yellowstone
20. Eat at a 5-star restaurant
21. Get paid to work full-time for a magazine, literary journal, publishing house, etc. - Even though I didn't stay at that position long, I try it. 
22. Publish another book
23. Take a "Girls Only" trip with female friends
24. Visit Japan
25. Take a nude drawing class
26. Go on a cruise
27. Live in another country temporarily
28. Adopt or have a child
29. Visit all seven continents
30. Pay off a loan and own something big - My credit cards! Since I've had two cars declared totaled this year, they've been paid off completely too.
    

Update: Where am I (again)?

The last time I updated I was in Lakewood, Colorado and our lease was coming to an end. After a second car accident, we had decided to return to Hawaii with pit stops in Maryland and Ohio.

A few things that have happened:

• I took my first overnight train from Denver to Chicago to Cleveland
• I started writing for The Suburbanite (somewhat) steadily
• My freelance business is taking off
• I'm rebuilding my website at ajahannah.com
• BF, Sister #3, and I went to Costa Rica
• Thanksgiving with the BF's family in Ohio
• Christmas and New Years my family in Maryland
• BF and I returned to the Big Island in Hawaii
• A deep, overarching and long-lasting depression

I've tweeted (I think) about how you can tell I'm depressed by the lack of writing. This includes a lack of blog posts. If you look back, those months where I skip posting (or I only posted once) are usually depressions. At least 2016 seems like it was better on me than 2015.

I'm thinking about writing a post about my depression--because doesn't everyone like to complain on the internet--but I'm not sure I have anything insightful to say. That aside, depression and anxiety still feel very embarrassing to talk about. 

I'm not sure if this last depression is over or if I'm just in the eye of the storm. I always seem to start to new year stronger. Maybe because my birthday is coming up.

The Baby Proposal

Since I don't want to get married but I want to have children, I have asked for a baby proposal.

As you can probably guess, that means I want my partner to propose having a baby with me. Instead of getting down on one knee with a ring to ask about marriage, I want an honest and heartfelt proposition from my Mister about starting a family.

Why?

The Fun of It
Honestly, part of me really wants to have the excitement of getting a surprise proposal from my Mister. I would love a thoughtful or creative announcement that he wants to start the next adventure of our lives.

I want a proposal for something I actually want. I want the surprise. I want the bragging. I want the story. I don't want to "miss out" on that part of life. But there's more to it than that.

Everyone is Ready 

Mostly I want a baby proposal because I want to know he's ready. I know that I want kids in about two years (or less), but I don't want to push or pressure my Mister if he isn't ready. 

I don't want to nag. I don't want to argue. I don't want to beg. I don't want to say: "How about now? Or now? When?"

I want the experience to be positive from long before conception. While I'm sure Mister wouldn't regret the kids, he might end up regretting the timing. He might resent me. With a baby proposal, he gets to choose when. He gets to say he's ready for the BIG commitment. He gets to be just as excited and sure as I am.

Protection
Because he'll tell me that he's ready, he won't--with any credibility--be able to come back and say "I didn't want this" or "I wanted to wait" during a fight. While I'm sure parenting won't be what either of us expect entirely and I'm sure there will be parts we don't feel ready for, we will at least have made the decision together. 

Because he will propose, I can expect him to be involved in the baby process more than just the making.  Because I'm waiting, it means we will be more financially ready. Because the onus is now on him, he is examining what he wants in the future. If babies aren't part of it, then at least we know sooner rather than later.

I'm pretty excited though. Now that it's his decision and I've backed off, he's been the one starting conversations about "our future kids" and looking more deeply at his finances. He's on a quest to go back to school in order to earn more money for his kids and to keep his back from giving out so he can pick them up.

(I say my Mister because I'm with a great man with whom I could see raising a family. If we were to break up and I found a great woman to start a family with, then same difference. Change the pronouns. It's just not my current state of affairs. This is also where everyone gasps. She's bisexual?! Yes.)  

Sidenote: Yes, someone else "popped the question" to me before and I realized right away it wasn't what I wanted with a strong guttural sense. I wasn't excited about it. In fact, I asked to take a nap after the proposal before we told anyone. This was partly because it was the wrong person, partly because I didn't want to get married.