Saturday, May 14, 2011

Love's Not Colorblind

As I am engaged and looking forward to future with my fiance, I reflect on how I got here and the relationship struggles that made me who I am today. One in particular stands out:

When my first real boyfriend (now ex) and I started dating, he told me "Don't worry. I told my mom you're part black and she's cool with it."

That should have been my first warning sign.

Aja and Ex at her junior prom. Ex's face has been
blurred out for his anonymity.

When his mother realized I wasn't some fling, she progressively broke down our relationship and my self-confidence. (Don't get me wrong, he did his share as well.)

She refused to invite me over and treated me coldly at the dinner table. She never left us alone and forced me to get on birth control. (She was so sure I'd get pregnant.) She threw out my gifts to him and even my necklace that I let him wear while I couldn't have anything of his.

To her, I was an animal and even a back rub for her son was sexual. She bought me outfits that were two sizes too large at Christmas. She let her dog chew up my $300 prescribed shoe inserts, said it was my fault, and didn't offer to replace them.

After we broke up, my ex told me that she had treated me so poorly because she didn't want "mixed grandchildren" as it would taint her pure white lineage. As a black person, I was outraged. As a mixed person, it only solidified my "no-place" feelings. (Just the year prior I'd been rejected by a black guy because it would ruin his all black family tree.)

Even though I was smarter than her son (better grades, AP and honors classes, National Honors Society member) headed to college, and had a real career in mind; I was still a poor choice for him because I had black in me.

When I confronted her, she said that just because she didn't want mixed children didn't mean she was racist. She had black friends. BLACK FRIENDS. As her son and a momma's boy, my ex backed her.

For you lovers out there: It's great to be proud of your heritage, but it's another thing to alienate a whole race romantically because you want to keep your family a solid color. True love is supposed to be blind, not selective.

Oh and "black friends" has never been and never will be a good excuse.

1 comment:

  1. I get it. I really do. Just be glad she's not your future kids' grandmother! You deserve so much better.