Friday, July 10, 2015

Why I Stayed in A Sex Hotel in Hollywood

Goodbye for now Hawaii. (Photo taken on Kauai)
I've been slacking, I know. After my last post in April, my boyfriend (and the rest of his crew) was laid off. We took this as a sign, better now than later, to move back to the mainland for a little bit. So the last month was spent budgeting, packing, selling, and shipping our things.

On June 11, we flew into LAX, got good Mexican food for the first time in years from the midnight food truck El Chato, and couldn't get in contact with my sister to get into her apartment for the night. So we stayed at the hotel across the street without realizing it was a sex hotel.

When we checked into our room at this hotel in Hollywood on a street directly behind the Walk of Fame, we slipped exhausted into black the satin sheets, dimmed the lights on the ceiling, lights which changed colors by the way.

It was only in the morning, as we checked out and only paid $90 including tax for the whole night (and were given the option to pay by the hour for an extended stay), that I realized the faux pas.

Bottom Line: I now know how to accurately set the scene for the business transaction between a prostitute and her customer.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Follow for Funny Posts

Ha! Oh, internet.

While I do post the occasional update on my Facebook Fanpage, I more regularly post memes, funny photos, and interesting world news. Join me on there for a break from daily life.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Interview with Amazon's Pop Culture Seller: Waiter to the Rich and Shameless

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview Paul Hartford, author of Waiter to the Rich and the Shameless, sold as number one in Amazon's pop culture category. Paul teases his pseudo-memoir as:
"...not just a peek into the secretive inner workings of a legendary 5-star restaurant; it is not just a celebrity tell-all or a scathing corporate analysis. It is a top-tier waiter's personal coming-of-age story, an intimate look into the complicated challenges of serving in the country's most elite, Hollywood-centric dining room while fighting to maintain a sense of self and purpose."

So who makes an appearance in this book?

PaulSeth MacFarlane, Paris Hilton, Russell Crowe, Russell Brand, Johnny Depp, Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Bruce Willis, Penelope Cruz, Rod Stewart, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford etc. etc. etc. the list is too long. 

Are you worried about being sued because you do mention the clients by name? 

Paul: I consulted both with a libel attorney and an employment attorney before publishing my book. Yes, I am worried about being sued. I had to disguise many facts in order to publish this book, but luckily my attorney advised me that the names of all celebrities could stay on the page. Per my Preface in the book: 
"The events in this story are all true and celebrities’ names have not been altered. According to my lawyer I didn’t need to do so. However, the names of my co-workers have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. And, the name of the establishment has been altered – mostly to protect myself from their powerful hand – at the request of my attorney whose job it is to protect me from lawsuits. You’d better be right, Esquire junior. But then, you'll probably figure it out since it wouldn’t take the Riddler from Batman to decode this one."
Had you been a waiter before this job? 

Paul: Yes for several years off and on during my fluctuating music career. You don’t get to serve the Rich and Shameless without quite a bit of prior experience.

Why did you choose to write a story about your personal growth instead of only anecdotes on celebrities?

Paul: It was meant for the 2.4 million food servers who work in the US plus untold numbers worldwide. For many years, I never thought outside the box and didn't realize that food-server jobs existed on this level - in terms of clientele and income bracket.  My hopes are that this book will inspire artists who have thrown in the towel for a 9 to 5 job to dive deep and find faith in themselves.  

On the flip side, I also hope to inspire people who have crappy server jobs to up their game and sharpen their knowledge and skills to find a career job in the industry. These jobs exist in almost every city where there is a wealthy population, a ritzy country club or restaurant, or even better an expensive hotel. All you have to do is prepare, then seek out the top in your surrounding area. 

How did you choose the cover?

Paul: I liked the idea of a waiter serving up his own head on a platter to his guests. It’s the way I’ve felt at times...

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Someone is Screaming

Should I admit that I knew I missed another month? That I couldn't get around to blogging much less write anything creative. Except this:

Inside me someone is screaming
and I can feel her pinch my throat
into pieces, sewing the screams into my voice.

She's waiting to come out,
to start the breakdown slow 
with whines and gasping breath
until she crescendos into sobs.

Or, maybe worse, pull me apart all at once
in public at work at the grocery store 
where I am seen and heard and exposed.

So I don't open my mouth 
because then I'll be upside down
and she will be right side up.

Friday, January 30, 2015

30 Things to Do Before I Turn 30

I have created 30 goals for myself to reach before I turn 30 and I have five years to do it!

  1. Grow a garden of fruits or vegetables and eat them
  2. Own a dog
  3. Go to a music festival
  4. Learn to drive stick
  5. Own a sari and know how to wear it
  6. Go on a spontaneous trip
  7. Skydive
  8. Visit Zion National Park
  9. Take a road trip across the United States
  10. Ride a train overnight
  11. Take a cooking class
  12. Get professional, classy nudes done
  13. Visit Thailand
  14. Win a chance contest
  15. Stay in a 5-star hotel
  16. See the Grand Canyon
  17. Ride an elephant
  18. Go to Patagonia
  19. Visit Yellowstone
  20. Eat at a 5-star restaurant
  21. Get paid to work full-time for a magazine, literary journal, publishing house, or etc.
  22. Publish another book
  23. Take a "Girls Only" trip with female friends
  24. Visit Japan
  25. Take a nude drawing class
  26. Go on a cruise
  27. Live in another country temporarily
  28. Adopt or have a child
  29. See (in real life) all seven continents
  30. Pay off a loan and own something big

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Dear Mom: 25 Reasons We Haven't Spoken

I turn 25 this month and we haven't spoken properly in years. You wonder why. Maybe these 25 reasons will shed some light for you.
  1. For not leading by example when it came to being a good spouse, mother, and sister so that I could learn from her
  2. For taking the love of my sisters for granted
  3. For not making the time or putting in the emotional effort with me and being upset when she isn't rewarded with an "I love you."
  4. For wanting to be my friend instead of my mother
  5. For leaving 4th Sister at home on the evening before Easter with a pot of boiling eggs on the stove and sneaking out so that she could party
  6. For telling 4th Sister to stop crying and "not to do this to her" when Sister called on Easter and asked where Mother was
  7. For never getting mental health help herself
  8. For making me feel less of a person because I did get mental health help and medication
  9. For not going back to college, despite her constant lamenting and the several appointments I made for her with the admissions and financial aid office
  10. For refusing to cosign my student loans so I could go to college because she "couldn't afford to burden her credit" so that month later she could get a boob job (which she got reversed for another couple thousand)
  11. For taking credit for my accomplishments because she birthed me
  12. For inviting all my siblings (except me) to sleep over when she first left our father and explicitly telling my siblings that they could not tell me where she lived
  13. For taking my only physical photo I had of our complete family, making a flimsy photocopy, putting it in a broken frame for me, and then losing the original
  14. For complaining about all the sacrifices she has made for us (like buying herself new clothes) in order to guilt us into complimenting her
  15. For making me take care of my father after his father died
  16. For telling a friendless, teenage me that "This is why no one likes you" during an argument
  17. For never answering her telephone when it was important and when we needed her
  18. For not talking to me about sex appropriately and not being open to talk to me about sex
  19. For making me believe every word I said in our family home was recorded on secret tapes by my father and anything negative I said could be used against my mother in court at any time.
  20. For forgetting to take care of the kids when she fought with my father
  21. For leaving me and my sister to fight with my father so she could go on a smoke break
  22. For never taking the time to sit up and talk to me at night when I had a nightmare and then getting mad when my dad did
  23. For being jealous of me
  24. For blaming her lack of accomplishments on her choice to raise children
  25. For blaming everyone else (except herself) about the outcome of her life because it wasn't what she had imagined. And for making no effort to improve that life.
But the biggest thing, the most frustrating and hurtful, is that you haven't apologized for even one of these things.