I'm hyperaware of race.
"It's 'cause she's black," I'll say or "That was too white."
It's hardly positive, more like backhand compliments, and every race gets slammed at one point. What's driven me to this when I used to see no color at all?
I could blame it on my father for pitting me in the black struggle, but then I'd have to blame my mother and her put downs of the black world. They made me see in black and white. Though that's barely a reason.
Then there are the Scantrons, salon shops, the middle school cliques, and high school rejection. The people telling me there's no racism and then the others that racism is everywhere, just hidden. The comedians and the celebrities and what they are to themselves, to the public.
"You are what you think you are. No it's what you look like. Or how you sound/act, where you live, who you hang with, who I want you to be."
Because I am nothing, because you have made me nothing, I will make you and everyone else nothing.