Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Baby Proposal

Since I don't want to get married but I want to have children, I have asked for a baby proposal.

As you can probably guess, that means I want my partner to propose having a baby with me. Instead of getting down on one knee with a ring to ask about marriage, I want an honest and heartfelt proposition from my Mister about starting a family.


Why?


The Fun of It

Honestly, part of me really wants to have the excitement of getting a surprise proposal from my Mister. I would love a thoughtful or creative announcement that he wants to start the next adventure of our lives.

I want a proposal for something I actually want. I want the surprise. I want the bragging. I want the story. I don't want to "miss out" on that part of life. But there's more to it than that.

Everyone is Ready 
Mostly I want a baby proposal because I want to know he's ready. I know that I want kids in about two years (or less), but I don't want to push or pressure my Mister if he isn't ready. 

I don't want to nag. I don't want to argue. I don't want to beg. I don't want to say: "How about now? Or now? When?"

I want the experience to be positive from long before conception. While I'm sure Mister wouldn't regret the kids, he might end up regretting the timing. He might resent me. With a baby proposal, he gets to choose when. He gets to say he's ready for the BIG commitment. He gets to be just as excited and sure as I am.

Protection
Because he'll tell me that he's ready, he won't--with any credibility--be able to come back and say "I didn't want this" or "I wanted to wait" during a fight. While I'm sure parenting won't be what either of us expect entirely and I'm sure there will be parts we don't feel ready for, we will at least have made the decision together. 

Because he will propose, I can expect him to be involved in the baby process more than just the making.  Because I'm waiting, it means we will be more financially ready. Because the onus is now on him, he is examining what he wants in the future. If babies aren't part of it, then at least we know sooner rather than later.

I'm pretty excited though. Now that it's his decision and I've backed off, he's been the one starting conversations about "our future kids" and looking more deeply at his finances. He's on a quest to go back to school in order to earn more money for his kids and to keep his back from giving out so he can pick them up.
(I say my Mister because I'm with a great man with whom I could see raising a family. If we were to break up and I found a great woman to start a family with, then same difference. Change the pronouns. It's just not my current state of affairs. This is also where everyone gasps. She's bisexual?! Yes.)  
Sidenote: Yes, someone else "popped the question" to me before and I realized right away it wasn't what I wanted with a strong guttural sense. I wasn't excited about it. In fact, I asked to take a nap after the proposal before we told anyone. This was partly because it was the wrong person, partly because I didn't want to get married.

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