Tales of a Substitute Teacher

Students believe you can't hear anything they say even if they are less than two feet away.

When the high school students first look in the door and see me behind the desk, they sometimes go back into the hallway and shout to their friends:

"Who is that?"
"Do we have a sub?"
"Yes!"

Or my personal favorite, "Well, I'm not coming to class" as if I won't take attendance.

I want to say, "I can hear you."

The ones that return start whispering:

"This is a joke, right?"
"She looks so young."
"How old is she?"

I twirl my pencil and wait for the late bell to ring. Someone gets up the courage to ask my age.

"Older than you think," I reply.

Another tries to ask for my Twitter/Facebook name. I shut him down. "Teachers aren't allowed to give those out."

Then, I give my speech, addressing each of their whispered comments, in my booming voice: "Hello, everyone! Yes, I am your substitute today. Yes, I have graduated college. I am in my twenties. Now, let's get started."